real friends. I don't think someone would be able to find in a blink of eye. it needs more that a year. mine also, 4/5 years. maybe I am taking a risk. probably right after this, our friendship, relationship, will destroy..
you know, just like people who wanna die. they told us a weird story about their life. then, they died. easy.
so, why on earth I try to bring this issue in my blog? why?
"I am lonely though"
lonely. you know that feeling. lonely. you know you are lonely when you have nobody to spend your time with. me. that's me. probably I am trying to be emo in this post. who cares ! I can't face anymore with this problem. family? they are the other side.
you know you are lonely when you used to online 24/7 like there is no tomorrow. like the only way to entertain yourself is by internet. god damn you internet. me too. I used to chat at Omegle when I feel madafaka lonely or the other word is boring. chatting with stranger, most of them older than me and what they are really want is sex. chat sex. mannnn, I hate it. It's disgusting for god sake. How can you chatting about sex all day long with stranger and yeah you are facing with your laptop/netbook/ ipad or whatever. how do you actually feel? I don't know what it feel but I think it's weird enough to feel horny in front of your laptop and smilling like an idiot and hoping for something that barely exist. for god sake! god damn you who ever trying to chat about sex at omegle.
you know you are lonely when music is the only way to you to run away from the world...
whenever I feel anger inside me, I use music as the only way to "reduce" my anger. maybe smack down my pillows and swearing to my walls. music. put on headphone, turn up the music, maximum the volume, lay on the bed, hugging my pillow they way I wanna ignore the world, and the other word, my family. I don't wanna argue or fighting with my family members ( dad out of list) between my mom and my sister. so yeah, locking all alone in my pitch black room, sometimes crying or sobbing of nothing between stress or that feeling of being dumped. just me. nobody else.
you know you are lonely when you have nobody to talk to. that conversation between me and my family is different. it's a daily and normal. I am not saying that I need someone who can be my side making me laugh all day long. I just need someone that barely exist for me. I just need someone to talk with, sharing my shitty problem, gossiping *sighing* hey god, I am not trying to be ungrateful servant, but please gimme someone, probably a sister which is older that me, matured enough to compare bad and good things, matured enough to not to wRiTe lIkE tHiS (I am not pointed to anybody) but that way of writing really pissed me off..
hehe, I do like this kakak.I think both of us have a lot in common, seriously !!! ahhh forget it. oh yeah, suddenly I remember, 10 years ago, I have a 'kakak angkat' which is 2 years older that me. actually she wanted me to be her sister because she doesn't have a sister. so yeah, actually, it won't last longer that I thought it would be. her house is next to my house. childhood memories. we used to have this BIG GANG at our area, around 20 kids playing together all kinds of games almost everyday especially weekend. the older become the leader. I think I was the youngest.
so yeah, my 'kakak angkat' uhmm I don't know what was her role. I think it's awkward. maybe because I was naive enough to understand? back to reality, 2013, where both of us are stranger right now. yeah. even as a neighbor. we don't talk or even smile? awkward. I don't know. that is why when I start to like someone and I wanna make them as my friend then things started to be awkward all of sudden.
I am complicated nuff said. don't simply judge me by my appearance. I may look nerd, naive, kampung girl !! haha but I have brain. yeah and thoughts. some girls, they don't have one neither brain or thoughts, what they have is just appearance and they think appearance is more important that anythings. maybe I'm saying this because I ugly, maybe, maybe not. but my thought is sexy. hehe.
I miss my friends
I miss my classmates
I miss school
I miss that feeling of someone take care of me
I miss everything that relate to laugh
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